Is That a Jingle in Your Pocket?

So the other night I was watching Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men inviting some chick up to his bedroom. And a few things came to my mind: 1.) When did he start to look so emaciated? 2.) Is that botox? 3.) Does being a jingle singer get you more chicks? Because if you wear oversized Hawaiian button-ups with khaki shorts, mandals and a Tony Hawk haircut from 1990, I don't think you're getting any ladies. And really, if you're some forty-something emaciated man with botox, you're not getting any ladies either. Really the only way you would is if you're famous or rich or both. This has led me to believe that jingle singers get ladies because they are basically behind-the-scenes celebrities. Let's role play this:

Jingle Singer: You're pretty.

Lady: Why isn't your face moving?

Jingle Singer: You know the Empire Carpeting song? All me.

Lady: My place or yours?

Seems pretty accurate. And from this I think we can all conclude that Charlie Sheen is better than us.

Jingle Writers. Alive, Well and Unable to Make Babies

Other than my personal hero Charlie Sheen, Jason Bateman's role as a jingle writer turned adoptive parent in Juno proves that jingles are as relevant as ever. But you know what's not relevant? Teenagers who turn into wolves. You know what's even less relevant? A crappy sequel about teenagers turning into wolves. Sorry Jason. You still rocked it in Silver Spoons.

Like a Good Jingle, Barry is There.

For all of you Manilow fans out there, here's a little something to jingle your fancy. Did you know that Barry Manilow is responsible for bringing us such jingle classics as "Like a Good Neighbor" for State Farm, "Stuck on Me" for Band Aid, and my personal favorite "Bathroom Bowl Blues" for Green Bowlene? And speaking of bathrooms, the toilet might be where you can now find Charlie Sheen's movie career. The accompanying photo has nothing to do with this entry.

Jingle Me This Charlie

Below our dear jingle writer Charlie Sheen rode a highway to the danger zone in an awesomely bad movie about bikers. It's okay, Charlie, at least you shaved that beard and found your way back to Cooltown with Duckie from Pretty in Pink.

This Just Jingled In

Newsflash: The best part of waking up is not Folger's coffee. It's actually getting to watch Charlie Sheen pretend like he's a jingle writer in syndication 5 days a week. One man + One man + Half a man = TV Awesomeness.